The Curse of the Purse

I hate carrying a purse. Most of the time I refuse; I carry the little pouch that came with the purse. It is just a zippered little 4x5" rectangle with a windowed card slot that is meant for a license but into which I have crammed about ten of my most necessary cards. Inside the zippered compartment, I carry cash, coins, the receipts I have yet to throw away, and my tinted chapstick which doubles as my entire makeup routine most days. The whole thing has a little strap which, when I wear it on my shoulder means that the pouch settles into my arm pit. My daughter calls it my pit purse. Some days a fuller purse is required, but I am not sure why. That thing just has more receipts, some Tic Tacs, slim readers, more pens than I have fingers, and a lot of brochures, programs, and playbills I have yet to throw away. Oh and my check book. Who needs a checkbook any more? I find the whole practice to be such a nuisance.

I never used to blame the purse. I thought it was me. I was the deficient one. Or that I just hadn't found the right purse, yet. It has never been about cuteness factor for me. I look for organization and efficiency. Some people go Prada or Gucci or Coach. I am looking at L.L. Bean and Eddie Bauer. Let me be clear. When I am talking purse, I am talking about a shoulder bag. I don't have time for any bag that you need to hold in your hand, dangle from your wrist, or hold in the crook of your arm. I'm not giving up a limb. Shoulder bag is good. Cross-body bag is even better.  I went through a love affair with Baggallini. I mean, these bags were designed by airline stewardesses. These women know how to pack efficiently, and still their product didn't work for me. I have had actual dreams of finding the perfect purse, the one that had a spot for everything I needed and not an inch to spare. I find it. I pay for it. Then I wake up--already at a loss for the day.

When I couldn't find what I needed, I started making my own purse organizers. They didn't work, either. More often than not, my purse becomes a place for people who don't have a purse (men and children) to ask you to put and carry their stuff. Then there is the issue of where to put a purse in a restaurant? Car designers certainly don't care that you have a purse. If a woman were designing a car, she would take out half a dozen of the cupholders and find a space for her bag.

When I was subbing more often, I didn't care. I liked having a big bag with lots of extraneous stuff. As a substitute teacher, you have to be like MacGyver because you never know what the situation will call for.  That stray hairpin, those peds to try on shoes, that spoon you were going to return to the cafeteria. They just might come in handy. But I am on the go now more than ever. Hiking. Walking to my activities. Going out to eat more than ever before. To concerts where dancing may or may not be involved. I need a bag that I don't have to worry about.

My friend Jodi who is a gardener introduced me to HipKlips which is a little pouch that attaches to the waist band of your pants. I think I am going to have to check these out. But about a year ago I backed a kickstarter campaign for RooSportPlus, a magnetized pouch for use with sports clothing. I did this with hiking in mind. We go hiking and end up at a pub for brunch. They should start sending them out any day now. Both solutions are made for beltless carrying which is great as long as your waistband can handle it. I'm not sure all of my waistbands will work. We shall see. It is an ongoing quest, my own personal holy grail. I once read an essay that Nora Ephron wrote on this same topic. When she died, I lamented that she went to her grave without finding the perfect "non-bag." If I was allowed to invoke Nora's spirit and ask her for one bit of guidance, I'm not sure if I would ask her for writing help or to tell me the secret of the purse. I'd like to think I'd ask her for writing guidance, but I can't promise I wouldn't choose the other.