To Paint Again?

Meditation on a Winter Forest

Yesterday I painted the largest painting I have ever painted. It has been years since I completed a painting, and yet I started and completed this one in a single day. I had to. I am such a mess when it comes to painting that I knew I would never get all my supplies out again and subject myself to that level of clean-up. And in this house, the only space I have to work is on our plastic draped dining room table.

I had a designated studio in our old house, which I rarely used to paint. I think I was afraid of the beige carpets. Most of the paintings I accomplished were squarely in the year 2007 and I did them in the basement painting studio of my friend Marsha while she was at work. Marsha was a high-end faux painter. I used her leftover paints on my canvases. They were luxurious paints--had this really nice tooth that made it a dream to use with a palette knife. They also had a metallic luster that took on a richness after I buffed the paintings with dark wax. The palette was limited which is what I need to work. Too many colors and I get overwhelmed. I practically hyperventilate at all the choices at an art supply store. This color palette was also practical in that it coordinated with many home interiors. I loved that paint. But it is proprietary. Only those who are certified in their faux painting techniques can use it. I have thought about taking faux painting classes just so I can use the paint, but it seemed a little extreme. I would just have to take a deep breath and go into the art supply store.

I have a fine arts degree, but it is not in painting. My major area of concentration was fibers. My minor area was metals. I took one painting class college which was in oils. These days I work in acrylic with which I am more comfortable--reaching back to my high school days when I first learned to paint. While I have an eye and can generally accomplish what I want to accomplish when I paint, it is not easy for me. A lot of times, I feel like I am winging it. I generally hold about 5 brushes in my hand and between my teeth at any given moment. My paint mixing is done all over the place and not in any organized fashion.

I have rejected taking any painting classes. I don't know what it is that I exactly need to learn so I don't know what to look for in a class. I have been perusing YouTube tutorials on setting up your paint palette, etc. I have come across a series of acrylic lessons. I think I am going to try them. I have the supplies. When we moved in here, I designated a crawl space off of our bedroom for all my blank canvases. I told Mark that if I hadn't used anything from the crawl space after five years, we could use it for something besides my canvases. Considering I went out and bought the giant canvas I used for this painting, I don't think I have yet held up my end of the bargain.

The reason I was so enthusiastic about this new painting is because I had a vision of what should go in our  revamped living room, and I knew I had to create it. I wasn't about to buy anybody else's artwork when I had what I wanted pictured so clearly in my head. I am not sure if I will be able to muster that kind of energy again. Parts of making this painting really frustrated me, and I am pretty much out of wall space in this house. If I painted again, it would have to be with the intention of selling it, and that is not the kind of pressure you want on yourself when you are restarting your engines for the first time in eight years.

But hey, I am living in an artist community. If any place can inspire your to paint, it would be hanging out with all these artists. But it also daunting. I don't want to fall flat on my face while I am surrounded by people I respect. For now, I feel good enough about the piece I just finished to showcase it in our house in a most prominent position. Maybe seeing it every day will remind me of what I can accomplish. Time will tell if my inspiration has been sparked or quelled.

Spring Mania

I woke at 5 AM this morning, no alarm clock needed. With the threat of my husband's 6 AM alarm, any sleep I would've gotten after that point would have been counter-productive as I would have woken in the wrong cycle. Just go with it. I got up, took care of the dog, meditated, and started blogging all before my husband got up for the day.

photo by David Gerbec

I could list the activities for the rest of the day, but suffice it to say I was going a mile a minute. I kept making alternate promises to the faithful pug that we would walk or nap. Well, I didn't actually say the "W" word out loud--just in my head.  I did , however, say the nap word and that was enough to send pug into spinning circles every time I got close to the staircase.  I was tired, but then I would get distracted by a thought of a design idea or run to the internet to look up a technique I needed for the next project I am attempting. One of my notions had me running to Michael's again. Word to the wise--don't buy a huge canvas on a windy day and then mistakenly park two superstores away. Unless of course, you like wind-surfing on asphalt.

Yes, I am smack dab in the middle of spring mania. I am not a winter girl. Freezing temperatures render me as inert as an ice cube. In the summer heat, I wilt.  Right now I am in the sweet spot. No heat. No pollen. No bugs. I can open a window and breath deeply. AH!  I want to do everything. And part of the delusion is that I actually believe I can. The problem is that I need to temper my excitement, lest I rush myself because of some panic that my ideas are coming faster than I can realize them.  The last thing I want to do is enter a project in full-on zing mode. I need a calmer presence of mind to keep myself in the zone where I can actually accomplish anything.

I'm looking to exercise and meditation to help me even out my jagged edges. As much as I want to wake up tomorrow and launch into painting my parking-lot wind-sail, I know it will serve me better if I write for an hour or so upon rising and then take a time out to go walking with the Misty Morning Walkers. Ninety minutes of hoofing it at a fast pace will get me into a calmer state of mind when I finally sit down with my canvas. I am excited about the new painting and my idea for it. It is either going to be fabulous beyond words or really stink. I can feel it. Or maybe that is just the mania talking. It is a mixed-up mindset in which everything exists as an extreme.

I don't know if other people get this way come springtime. I have not been paying attention long enough to know if this is normal for me. Then again, this is the first year that kids' activities have not slowed me down. No cooking meals for an entire cast during production week of a drama show or hand delivering frozen cookie dough that was the track team fundraiser. Maybe it is my children that have kept me tethered to earth for this long. What am I without their grounding energy? I have no idea, but as an artist and writer, I know these times are special.  I need to pay attention when the muse calls my name. Is it mania? Maybe or maybe not, but whatever this frenzy is, I am going to harness it and ride the wave for as long as I can.

Overcommitted or Should be committed?

Spring is here and I know it from the way I am zinging around in my head--usually when I am trying to meditate. Bounce with me. This week I figured out some new decorating schemes in our house that involved selecting and buying paint to paint one wall. On this wall should go some photographs. So I selected some photos. Photos must be framed. I went on a preliminary shopping expedition for frames. Now the adjacent walls need new artwork to go with the scheme. A painting has started to formulate in my head. But back to the photos. While I was on Shutterfly thinking about which photos I want to order, I decided to do a few pages in the hiking photo album I am creating. Nothing like a little mid-day graphic design.

I am writing lyrics to a song. Yes. A song. Why? Because the words were there. I need to write down what I can until Maren comes home to help collaborate with me. Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted by uninvited lyrics? Oh, yes, digging out my painting supplies to paint a large wall painting. But then my fabric shipment came. Apparently I have decided to sew my own wardrobe now because I was so upset at the choices of dresses when I  was looking online for something to wear to an upcoming spring wedding. Do I just decide to sew a dress? No. I order fabric for a dress, two pairs of pants, two skirts, a pinafore (yes, a pinafore), a slip which can double as a pinafore, and a blouse. Guess what fabric doesn't come with my order because they ran out of the color I wanted? Yes, the fabric for the dress to wear to the wedding. Sigh.

A friend's son just got an operation, and I signed up to bring her family a casserole. But then I heard another friend is going in for an operation on the day I signed up to make the casserole, so I thought--what the heck--I'm making a casserole for us and for the friend. What is one more?

The community garden has started. I was planning out my plot when my neighbor offered me some peas to plant. If you have peas, you need a trellis. I used to have the cutest trellis that Mark and I made from scratch a la Martha Stewart instructions. Go to the hardware store and get supplies (which was naturally a separate trip from the paint-buying expedition.) While we are at the hardware store, we might as well look at tubs. If we are looking to put in a new tub, then the bathroom naturally needs painted. Pick up some more paint swatches for that room.

We have plans to go to New York soon to visit Maren and hike the Brooklyn Bridge. Then it is on to spend Easter Sunday with Jonah, the 'rents, and our friends Jeff and Kathy. We have tickets for two concerts, two plays, and a comedy show in the coming weeks. Oh, and did I mention? I did get voted onto the Forest Committee last Monday for a two-year term.

Lest you think this is all a giant ploy to procrastinate writing my novel, I will have you know that I am back at it. Writing with enthusiasm this time. This is springtime in my head. It is like this most years, and amazingly, I do get most of my projects accomplished--somehow. Mark is no different. Between the two of us, we are about as crazy as two people can be.  But somehow the energy of imagination ends up being the energy we need to fuel our ambitions. All I can say is, thank goodness I finished my quilt.